Can You Change?

It’s fall and the leaves are finally turning, which led me to reflect on the changes I’ve been experiencing personally over the last few years. I recently had a discussion with someone who said, “I’m probably too old to change much, so what I am is probably what I’ll be.”  I didn’t say much in return and finished our conversation, but internally I felt deeply saddened for this individual. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last few years is that real, deep internal change is not something to simply hope for, but that it is something we can all work towards and achieve. Whether it’s getting in the gym more, reading more books, praying more, or simply being kinder; real and lasting change is absolutely possibly and WORTH striving for.

Here’s a couple things I’ve specifically learned about change:

1. It’ll take longer than you want it to.  

You’ll want it to happen overnight, that’s completely natural. I remember when the mountain seemed insurmountable when I got serious about doing some internal, spiritual work.  The deeper I dug inside, the bigger the problems seemed and the taller the mountain grew. But inch by inch I made progress. And I’ve learned that the journey is the real reward, not the objective, because as my son often reminds me, nobody’s perfect, and we won’t ever be.

2. You’ll be surprised how quick the journey happens when you get there.

I promise you that change will happen when you put in the work and do the hard things. It’s never at the pace we want it, but if you focus on the journey change can almost sneak up on you. One day you’ll realize I was kinder or more vulnerable today and I didn’t even have to work at it, it just happened. The cravings for sugar will be all but completely gone, and you’ll want to eat a salad instead of doughnut (well that may be pushing it, but you get the point).

3. Changing one thing will quickly lead to other good changes in your life.

The first change I made led to others, and then they snowballed into almost 80 pounds of weight loss. I’ve lost my weight over the last 7 months, but I tell people all the time that the changes I started to make 3 years ago led to the emotional and spiritual health that is required for weight loss.

4. You can’t do it alone.

I have a great wife and 2 awesome kids, I have had two leadership coaches/counselors, and a handful of close friends journey with me the last few years. I’ve processed struggles and temptations. I’ve cried and argued and let everything out with them. There is absolutely 0% chance my life would have changed like it did without them.

5. You don’t have to do it alone.

You don’t have to do this alone. There are people to help you. I’d imagine if you risked being vulnerable and opened up to some people; eventually you’ll find someone to journey with you. Yes, you absolutely will get hurt in the process of opening up and putting yourself out there. Yes people you thought you could count on to understand you will definitely not understand you. But if someone you counted on decides not to walk with you - then move on - chances are they weren’t someone who was really invested in you anyway. Surround yourself with honest, empathetic, and authentic people and you’ll get there, and you’ll help them grow in the process.